Overview

When people go through stressful situations, whether the stress is productive or not, it can be a lonely period. Many people encountering stress will isolate themselves, pushing even their closest friends away. Christians in a season of stress may feel that only God understands, and God alone can bring about peace.

Indeed, God is always present around us when we are going through difficult times, and true peace will ultimately be supplied by God. This is what Paul is writing about in Philippians:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7)

But, how does this happen? Does God reach out from heaven with a super long needle and inject us with a serum of peace? Does God just solve the problem, or remove the problem, so that the source of our stress is cast leagues away?

Sure, either can happen, and either or both may be part of what will happen. God is powerful. But, consider that God sees each of us as a custom work of his creation, and the path to peace isn’t along a factory assembly line.

When we read through passages such as 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 or Romans 12:4-8, we notice that the Spirit of God equips other Christians with interaction abilities that are useful to a person in stress. There is comfort, guidance, encouragement, wisdom, support, etc. that are delivered by God through godly people. And, each of us may be one of those called by God to deliver to others.


Four Friends

In this message, I’m using some insight from a couple of Christian counselors. First, Al Ells identifies four friends that all of us should have in our lives, and he describes how these friends work together to help us grow and develop. Second, Jayne Crisp describes the different stages that most of us go through on our path from stress to peace.

Here are the four types of friends and how they help in the process (I’ve changed the labels of each of these friends from what Al Ells uses).


Friend 1 - The Comforter

There are friends in your life that you can be vulnerable with, and no matter what they might discover about you, they will stick with you. They are typically good listeners, or good reflective listeners. They help you to make sense of the chaos around you, and because of this connection they help you to feel as if you are not isolated.

This is the friend that we might often call our Best Friend, or life-long friend. And we need these types of friends for stability and to make sense of our value and reality. Even if you aren’t moving, they will be beside you.

Jayne Crisp calls the first stage of crisis and stress the Impact Stage, where our safety, security, and self-confidence are threatened. Life feels out of control in this stage. This is the moment where the comforters spring to action. They are the first responders, providing much needed emotional first aid with the gifts of comfort and presence so that people do not feel alone.

The primary question that needs to be asked is, “How can I be there for you?”


Friend 2 - The Visionary

These are friends that help you envision where you are and where you are going (or where you need to go). They may help to chart a realistic course for getting from point A to point B. Visionary friends see your potential, and communicate that potential. Parents help us with this when we are a child, and pastors and counselors help us with this as an adult. But visionary friends could also be mentors, or someone who helps you process through ideas for the future.

Jayne Crisp calls the second stage of crisis and stress the Recoil Stage, which occurs after the initial trauma. It is a sometimes long period of time where a person feels lost and in need of hope. The comforters continue to be present in this time, but visionary friends are now needed to help a person understand where they are and where they need to be. They help initially with seeing the big picture of the current state of affairs – often helping with a raw assessment and clarity.

The primary question that needs to be asked is, “Where are you?”


Friend 3 – The Encourager

These are friends that walk on the journey with you, and are typically more experienced, mature, wiser or stronger (emotionally) than you are. Some of the best encouragers will be friends from an older generation who are successfully walking the walk that you need to walk. Encouragers know how to properly push you, but not so hard that it is beyond your capacity. They are like a fitness coach that motivates you and challenges you to keep going and get stronger.

Jayne Crisp calls the third stage of crisis and stress the Reorganization Stage, and this is the stage of growth that James talks of in James 1:2-4. A person in this stage is moving forward toward positive change. The comforter is still with the person. The visionary is now helping to identify the proper life vision of where the person is headed (this is the “Point B”), along with any new skills or important stages - the wise counsel that we see in Proverbs 19:20-21). But, it will be the encourager that will be walking step-by-step with the person as they go on this journey to their new place in life, providing essential coaching where needed (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Hebrews 10:24).

The primary question that needs to be asked is, “What is changing?”


Friend 4 – The Disrupter

These are friends that shake up the status quo. They are wonderful friends to have in one's life when we are stagnant or heading out of control, for they introduce discomfort and stress. Jesus acted in this role with the Pharisees as they practiced a stagnant and distracted religion, at one point turning over the marketplace that had been set up at the Temple (Matthew 21:12-13).

But what if someone is already in stress? Well, in most of these cases, disrupter friends need to stay on the sidelines and keep their comments to themselves - otherwise, they might come across as incredibly annoying, piling stress upon stress, and cause an explosive reaction.

However, if a person is wallowing in stress and isolation, effectively needing some shock paddles to move, then the disrupter can be essential.


Concluding Thoughts

I have two points that I want to conclude with.

First, each of us is naturally one of the types of friends I mentioned above. Where do you see yourself in any of those four categories? We might actually be a hybrid of a couple of them. (For example, I’m typically a visionary friend, and to a lesser extend I am an encourager - I’m least like the disrupter and comforter friends).

So, when someone around us that is encountering stress or crisis, we should be able to know how we naturally can be used by God as part of the answer to their prayers (Philippians 4:6-7). We know the question that we are helping a person answer, and we can appreciate the proper timing of working through that question.

Second, each of us has the potential to be something that we naturally are not. The message of spiritual giftedness that is described in the New Testament is not a natural ability, but an instantaneous capacity to be something that we are not naturally. In 1 Corinthians 12:11, Paul points out that effective abilities are apportioned out by the Holy Spirit as they are needed. Maybe you are not naturally a disrupter, but your friend in crisis needs to get out of their rut. Perhaps God gives you a Word of Wisdom that is used to help spur a person to change.

Again, I’m not a comforter in my natural state, but I’ve noticed on multiple occasions that God has used me to provide comfort to someone in crisis. I’m also not a disrupter in my natural abilities, but there have been two times I recall where I’ve received a Word of Wisdom that I delivered, helping people to move out of their ruts.

Whether natural or inspired instantly by God, we can be useful to others who are going through crisis by helping them to answer three questions …

How can I be there for you? How can I help you?

Where are you, and where are you going?

What is changing?